


Ask for More

by kankuwu



Category: Naruto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 03:08:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20382670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kankuwu/pseuds/kankuwu
Summary: kankurō has been having trouble sleeping. gaara decides to figure out why.





	Ask for More

Most nights were like this for Kankuro. At this point, it wasn’t even an annoyance; it just was. His nights were long and restless albeit filled with company. This was both good and bad and each side had their own goods and bads. The good parts included his company being things he loved. His puppets, the majority of them tinkered and built by his own hands, were the greatest company he could ever ask for most night. It was all he would allow himself to ask for ever, refusing to burden another human being with his woes. But his puppets were there to listen. They were there to bounce off his ideas and distract him from life. There was no greater escape from the burdening horrors of being an animate being than surrounding yourself with the inanimate. And most nights, that was good and that was enough.

But sometimes it was bad and not enough.

Tonight was one of those nights. Kankuro finds himself in his workshop, recently moved to a bigger room in the Kazekage mansion. It was a walk from his bedroom but he appreciated the space. Separating his work from his bed made things easier but he knew it would never stop being hard. This night, he tinkered and planned out new schematics. He pulled out a bin of journals detailing every poison he never tested, every past puppet design, and every new endeavor he wanted to come back to one day. He lingered on a page with a sketch of the tallest robot Kankuro could ever imagine. It brought a smile to his face and he traced over the drawing, nodding to himself that he would get to it one day but that day was not today. It was still tonight and Kankuro closed his journal to return back to the thoughts in his head.

His hands shook as his mind spiraled and it took a few long moments for Kankuro to bring himself back. Shaking his head, he sighed and placed his journals away, closed the bin, and headed back to his room.

The short walk through the dark hallways ended with his open bedroom door. This was weird only because Kankuro was sure to close his door before he left. Someone was in there but before Kankuro went on the offense, he considered that perhaps it was someone he knew. Someone who wanted to see him.

He entered the room to come face to face with a candle lighting up the bedside dresser. The light illuminated his picture frame and the face of his brother, sitting there reading a book. The fact that Gaara decided to read must have meant he’d been waiting for a while and that whatever he wanted to talk about couldn’t wait until morning.

Without flinching, Gaara looked up from his book, simultaneously closing it and setting it to the side. Kankuro entered the room and moved to sit on the bed. He didn’t sit next to Gaara. His body language did not give off the vibe that he wanted to have a conversation. But he didn’t shoo his brother away either. Kankuro laid down on the bed, his back towards the candle light and closed his eyes.

Gaara was aware enough to know that his brother did not want to be bothered but keen enough to know that his brother needed company. He didn’t move to lay beside his brother or to force his brother to face him. He simply started talking.

“You’ve been missing sleep, Kankuro. I’ve noticed” he said.

Kankuro was silent for a few moments, contemplating if he should feign unconsciousness. But he knew better. He knew Gaara would see through it and he wasn’t sure if he wanted the result that came from that. So he shrugged from his position. “I’ve been busy.”

Gaara laid down then, taking his brother’s response as invitation to get comfortable. Even if the conversation would end with that, he could tell his first assumption was right. Kankuro wanted company.

He laid on his back, resting his head on the second pillow on the bed and rested his hands across his chest. He felt his brother shift next to him but it was clearly just to get more comfortable. His brother’s back was still to him.

“I’ve never had a nightmare,” Gaara began speaking. “At least, I don’t think I ever have. Thanks to Shukaku, my need for rest was quite limited and dreaming was never something I thought I would get the chance to experience.”

He felt his brother shift.

He continued. “I think one of the few times I did sleep and dream, shortly after Shukaku was extracted, I think I remember dreaming. It was something very unfamiliar yet I can compare it to something else.” He looked at his brother who laid there expectantly.

“And what was that?” Kankuro asked.

“Dying.” Gaara said. There was a moment of silence between them. Gaara moved his gaze back to the ceiling. “Needless to say, I didn’t care for it.”

After a few moments of silence, Kankuro began to turn over. He moved to his back then to his side, now laying to face Gaara. He met his brother’s gaze and the look at his face was serious. “No offense, Gaara, but that’s not exactly what I wanted to hear tonight.”

Gaara looked at him. His expression was unapologetic at best, dissecting at worst. “What do you want to hear?”

Kankuro turned back around then, giving Gaara his back once more. “Anything but that.”

A long stretch of silence came again and at this point, Gaara was starting to feel discouraged. When his mind begin to tell him that this was hopeless and that he should give his brother some space, Kankuro spoke.

“I’ve been having nightmares. A lot of them.” Kankuro said. “It’s been at least once every night.” He cut himself off with a nervous laugh. Gaara’s eyes were glued to the ceiling.

“They’ve been, um… they’ve been about you, mostly.” Kankuro’s hands began to shake and his body clinched to keep the shaking from spreading any further. He wasn’t scared at this moment but he was anxious.

This wasn’t something he talked about. At least not with Gaara. He rarely talked about it with Temari but that’s because this wasn’t something they needed to talk about. It was something they understood about each other and that was enough.

But tonight, Kankuro didn’t just want to be understood. He wanted to be heard. He wanted a living person to hear him and know that he wasn’t okay. So he continued talking.

“I know all of that was a long time ago, Gaara. And I’m not blaming you for any of it but every time I close my eyes I just see…black sand. And I smell it and I feel it and I can see flashes of your hair and I feel myself––”

And he’s fully shaking now. His voice cracks when he speaks again. “I try to forget because I know it doesn’t matter now but it’s all so vivid, Gaara. And I’m sorry that I can’t forget and I’m sorry I’m bringing it up and I’m sorry––”

This time Kankuro isn’t cut off by his own shaking. He feels the embrace of two arms slipping around his sides and wrapping around his torso. He feels a chest press against his back and a head dig into his shoulder blades. The arms give him a squeeze as if they could contain all of the fear and anxiety and trauma that Kankuro is experiencing right now.

Then Gaara speaks.

“You don’t have to be sorry, Kankuro. You never have to be sorry.” Gaara squeezed his brother tight, bringing them as close as possible. He couldn’t see his brother’s face but he knows he’s weeping. He can feel it.

“Kankuro, I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you and Temari. I know I’d said it before but I’ll say it a million times more until it goes away and if it never goes away, I’ll say it forever.”

Kankuro cried into his shaking hands in his brother’s arms. He cried his entire childhood into his hands. Every sleepless night, every anxious morning, every unsure sunrise and sunset, he cried all of that into his hands for the first time in what felt like forever. And Gaara did not let go.

He held his brother tight and absorbed every shake and tremble. Even when the sobs subsided, he held him still. He knew his brother would only ask for enough. Just enough space. Just enough comfort. Just enough of Gaara for him to not feel bad. For Gaara to not feel guilty. But Gaara was tired of seeing his siblings settle for enough. He would be there for them when they only asked for enough and he would give them more.

**Author's Note:**

> this was written as a gift for my girlfriend. she wanted some kangst and i delivered.


End file.
